Is this my life?
Am I breathing underwater?
I am afraid.
Oh God, I am so very afraid.
I’ll tell you why .
It’s because of you.
I am afraid because of you.
You who calls herself “My Life”
You who keeps breathing in me,
You who can be so easily ended.
I am afraid,
Afraid that I will end you before I become what I want us to become,
Afraid that one of my scorned lovers will try to end you,
Afraid that you will try to end us when you finally realize I am not worth your time.
But you say I needn’t be afraid.
That you will always be with me,
Until the end of time, you insist.
But then, you are complicated.
One swing at my throat with a knife,
Then it’s over between us.
One mistake of staying late out into the night,
And a boy with a gun might end us.
But you still say I don’t need to worry,
You say that you will see to it I become what I want to become,
That you will see to it I finally become someone who is proud to have you,
That I will finally, finally embrace you,
Say that I love you,
See your worth,
See our worth.
But surely you can see how hard that is for me, can't you?
To love you when I feel like I don’t know you?
To be told that I should cherish you when I don’t even know what I am cherishing?
To be told that you are valuable when all “my life” I have felt like I don’t know your value?
Surely, you must know.
So tell me, how do you expect me to hug you, embrace you, see your worth?
See our worth?