The world is ending. That’s the first thought I remember thinking.
The world is really ending.
It was a stupid thought because as far as I could see, the world did not seem to be ending.
The mama mbogas were still selling their mbogas, the delinquent students were still drinking, and the homeless preacher at the corner was still preaching about redemption.
Everything was normal except, my mind had somehow convinced itself that the world was ending.
I remember being numb when the realization hit me.
Then, I remember shivering from the chill that ran down my spine.
I need to tell someone. That was my second thought.
But who? Was my third thought.
I knew Ken would not believe me. He always says I am a drama queen desperate for attention.
Jill, on the other hand, would only pretend to believe me, but then would go behind my back and rat me out to Ken about my yet recent absurdities.
Henry was out of the question. I was still mad at him for what he did to me and Gina.
Would she believe me?
I remember picking up the phone, dialing in her number fast, and waiting for her ethereal voice to grace my phone’s speakers.
I also remember the disappointment that settled at the pit of my stomach when her voice failed to come through and I had to hang up the phone.
The world is ending and Gina is avoiding me.
That particular thought made my skin feel queasy, like it did not belong to me.
I have had instances where I have felt like crawling into my skin, and instances where I have felt like crawling out of it. Somehow, at this instance, I felt like doing both.
The sun was just setting over the horizon, and I observed the orange hues of the sky from my view on the rooftop, and I felt nothing.
I turned my attention back to the world.
How did no one else feel it? The impending doom? The darkness slowly rising and engulfing us?
I remember finally deciding to call Jill.
Whether she believed me or not did not matter. I needed to talk to someone.
I needed to tell someone.
Jill picked up on the first beep.
She always picks up on the first beep, and then says Hello in this pitiful voice, like she is expecting me to spiel some crazy shit which she would have to pretend to be sympathetic towards.
I knew all this beforehand, yet when she answered the call and the first statement out of her mouth was:
Hello Bree, nini mbaya leo?
I not only felt like crawling into or out of my skin, I felt like flying the hell out of it. Leaving it altogether.
Still, I proceeded because I knew I had to tell someone.
“The world is ending Jill. It really is.”
I could feel the exasperation in her pause, but I couldn’t stop myself from talking.
It was like my mouth had a mind of its own, and I was just its silent observer, watching in fascination as it talked.
“It’s ending Jill. I have this feeling. And I don’t know why no one is feeling it but it really is ending. Si uongo. I can feel it Jill. I can feel it in my bones.”
Another pause. This one longer than the last.
Then finally, she spoke:
“Bree, come on. We both know this is about Gina. She told us what happened jana.”
Another pause. This one torturous, humiliating, embarrassing, deathly.
Gina could not have told them.
She promised, and Gina is the kind of person who keeps promises.
Jill was lying. She must be lying.
“You are lying.”
“No Bree. Look, she doesn’t feel the same way, okay? Please, try…”
“You are lying.”
“Bree. Bree. Brenda listen…”
“You are lying. You are lying. You are lying.”
This time, when there was a pause, it was because I had flung my phone across the rooftop onto the roof of the neighboring house.
My hands, it seemed, also had a mind of their own.
The world is ending.
That is the last thought I remember thinking as I let my body go from the rooftop rail, as I flew across the sky like a kite, as I laughed from the euphoria of my flight.
Whoever said humans can’t fly clearly hadn’t met me.
I was still flying when Jill and Henry and Gina found me.
Gina screamed, said it was her fault.
Said she should have just kissed me back, taken my phone call, accepted my love, agreed to be my girlfriend or whatever.
Henry hugged her and kissed her and said she should not blame herself, and for once, I agreed with him.
If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have known I could fly.
If it wasn’t for her, this shitty world would have never come to an end.